


Late Notice

by paperscribe



Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hospitalization, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1351696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperscribe/pseuds/paperscribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robbie comes back from a visit to Manchester to discover James has been hospitalised…and nobody bothered to tell him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Late Notice

Visits to see Lyn and Tim and the bairns always left Robbie feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. He did love his job, but he liked to get away from the death and the violence sometimes.

The morning he went back to work, he bought himself a tea and picked up one of those fancy coffees James liked. James wasn't in when Robbie got in, though, so Robbie left the coffee on his desk for when he would arrive. He hoped it wouldn't be too cold.

"Sir…"

Robbie looked up to see Gurdip standing in the doorway.

"I just wanted to say, we're all very sorry," Gurdip said.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's all right," Robbie said absentmindedly, opening the top folder on his desk and scanning its contents.

"No, I mean…we heard about Sergeant Hathaway. And we're all very sorry."

Robbie froze, feeling a sudden spike of fear. He looked at Gurdip. "Sorry about Sergeant Hathaway?"

Gurdip nodded. "Yes, sir."

Instinctively, horribly, Robbie thought, _He's dead. Oh, Christ, he's dead, he's died and I wasn't here._ He gripped the edge of his desk to keep upright, because he was hardly breathing now. Three partners, all dead. Hathaway gone now too, with no warning. Like Ali. Like Val. No. Not another. He couldn't bear another.

"How?" Robbie asked in a strangled tone that didn't sound like him at all.

Gurdip looked at him, confused. "What?"

"How did he die?" Robbie asked. How could he have been away? How could he have let this happen? He's never going to forgive himself. Never.

"Die? He didn't die. He was shot while…" Gurdip trailed off, understanding suddenly. "You didn't know?"

He didn't die. He wasn't dead. There was still a chance. Slim maybe…depended where he was shot and how bad the damage was…but he wasn't dead. There still might be something Robbie could do. Robbie took a deep, shuddery breath.

"How long?" Robbie asked, feeling very shaky, very uncertain of…everything. "I mean, when was he…?"

"He's been in hospital since Thursday," Gurdip said quietly. "That's what I heard."

"No one told me," Robbie said, still finding it difficult to breathe, difficult to think. Usually he could be dispassionate if he needed to be, but at times like this, there were always too many emotions and he couldn't put them away in their proper places. He had to sit there and feel them all, feel every last bit of them. Guilt. Anger. Fear. Pain. "Why did no one tell me?"

Gurdip shook his head, bewildered. "I don't know, sir. I'm sorry…"

Robbie looked at Gurdip. "Please. Will you drive me?"

Gurdip's eyebrows rose. "To see Sergeant Hathaway?"

"I need to get there and I can't…I shouldn't drive like this." He'd wrap himself round a tree, or worse. "Please. Please, I need…" But he couldn't go on.

Gurdip nodded resolutely. "Follow me, sir. My car is outside."

By rights, Gurdip should've been cautioned for excessive speed, but Robbie found he didn't care. When they arrived at the hospital, Gurdip got out of the car and, without being asked, followed Robbie into the hospital.

"James Hathaway. Where is he?" Robbie demanded at the front desk.

"Robbie."

Robbie wheeled round to see Innocent standing in the corridor. He crossed to her quickly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.

"You were on leave."

"You could've bloody phoned!"

"There was nothing you could do," Innocent said, using her best 'I'm a police officer and you need to calm down, sir' voice.

"I could've _been_ here. If I'd lost him…if I…" _If I lose him._ The grief choked Robbie, dulled his anger. "You should have told me."

Innocent sighed. "We've been trying to get in touch with his immediate family, but haven't been able to locate any."

"All the more reason you should've phoned me," Robbie said, an edge to his voice.

"Yes, Robbie, I think you've made your point, thank you," Innocent said sharply.

"He's been at death's door and I've been…" Robbie shook his head.

"He's not going to die," Innocent said firmly.

"And how long have you been sure of that?" Robbie retorted.

Innocent winced but silently acknowledged his point.

"Has he been awake at all?" Robbie asked. "I mean properly awake."

Innocent shook her head. "They've been keeping him sedated to manage the pain and keep him from aggravating the injury. He's very groggy when he's not asleep."

"I need to see him," Robbie said.

Innocent looked to the nurse. "Could you show him the way?"

The nurse looked hesitant. "If he's not family, I shouldn't…"

Robbie was not above a little disingenuous phrasing at this point. "I'm his partner. I'm all the family he's got."

The nurse's facial expression softened, and she nodded, silently leading the way. Robbie was grateful she wasn't going to argue with him about that, anyway.

James was sleeping, his midsection swathed in heavy bandages. Whatever surgery he'd needed apparently hadn't been minor. Robbie felt suddenly weak again at the thought of having come so close to losing James without knowing it. He'd thought that if he'd ever lost James…just as he'd once thought that if he'd ever lost Val…he would know. The universe around him would scream for a moment at the loss and he'd know.

But he hadn't known with Val. She'd been on the brink of death and he'd felt nothing, no premonition, not even any sudden feeling of danger or fear or worry. And it had been the same with James. The universe never told you what it took. It just took and left you to deal with what was gone.

"I'm here," Robbie whispered, approaching James's bedside. "James, lad, I'm here." _Finally. As I should've been all along. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please wake up. Please. Please._

No response. He hadn't expected one. And James should sleep…he probably needed the sleep. He had to sleep and recover and come home and never be anywhere anyone could ever hurt him again, please.

Then James made a sound. Was he waking up? Robbie took the chair beside the bed.

James took a loud breath, and his eyelids fluttered. "Mmm?"

Robbie wanted to take James's hand but was afraid moving his arm might aggravate his injuries some way. "James. I'm here, pet."

"Hn." James's eyes opened…just a bit, and very slowly, but his eyes were open. "Mmmokay…ssssssir."

It took Robbie a moment to translate in his head. _I'm okay, sir._ James was only halfway bloody conscious and he was trying to reassure Robbie.

"I'm glad," Robbie said softly.

James's gaze caught Robbie's and held. "New…yud…cuh. Mmm."

Again, it took Robbie a moment, and when he translated this time, his eyes filled with tears. _Knew you'd come._ Robbie rested a hand on James's arm, so gently, so carefully.

"If you want me to come back from Manchester, next time just ask," Robbie said, and he was trying desperately to joke about it, but tears were running down his face. "No need to go to all this trouble."

James smiled slightly, but his eyes were soft. "Dunnn…cry."

"Sorry, I'm sorry," Robbie said, rubbing ineffectually at his eyes. "I'm glad you're awake, that's all."

Even moving as slowly as it was, Hathaway's mind was a precision instrument. "Sleep…long?"

"A little while," Robbie said. "But you're on the mend now. I'll soon have you doing me donkey work before you know it."

James gave a wistful little sigh. "Like that."

"Me too," Robbie said.

James smiled, but his eyelids were beginning to droop. "Sleepy…"

"Of course," Robbie said quietly. "I'll be here when you wake up."

James hummed, and his eyes closed.

***

It was light, then it got dark, and then it got light again. They should have made him leave, but from the sympathetic looks he got when the nurses and doctors came in to check on James, no one had the heart to send him away. He didn't sleep. He just sat there waiting for James to wake up.

He didn't understand at first when the bedside monitor began sounding an alarm. It was only when doctors and nurses came rushing in that he knew something was wrong.

"What's happening?" he asked, trying to make himself heard above the alarm.

A nurse pushed him firmly out of the room. "I'm sorry, sir. You can come back when he's stable."

The door shut in Robbie's face, and Robbie swayed on his feet. _When he's stable._ It was an awful thought, an awful feeling. He turned and numbly began making his way to the waiting room.

To his surprise, Gurdip was still there, fast asleep in one of the hard plastic chairs. He stirred when Robbie approached, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Robbie asked, a bit dumbfounded.

"I brought you here," Gurdip said groggily. "You don't have another way home."

Robbie nodded. "Thank you." He sat beside the other man, hunching forward, elbows resting on his thighs.

"How is he?" Gurdip asked.

"Something's gone wrong with him and I don't know what," Robbie said. He sounded numb. He felt numb. "The alarm went and they made me leave the room." He paused. "I know how this goes. It was just the same before. The alarms sound and they make you leave, and then the doctor comes to say he's very sorry, but you know what he's going to say before he says anything because of the look in his eyes and the way he slows down his walk."

"I'm sure they can fix it," Gurdip said quietly.

"I'm sure they'll try." But it wasn't the same thing.

"Mr Lewis?" That would be the doctor.

Robbie lifted his head. "Yes?"

"He's all right," the doctor said. "He's stable. He was given morphine, and apparently he has a negative reaction to it. It lowered his blood pressure sharply. We'll be observing him carefully to make sure it returns to normal levels."

"When will he wake up again?" Robbie asked.

"It could be any time," the doctor said. "Low blood pressure doesn't always make you lose consciousness."

Robbie stood. "Can I go back in?"

The doctor took in Robbie's admittedly disheveled appearance. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather go home for a little while? There's nothing so urgent that…"

"I told him I would be there when he woke up again," Robbie said. "Are you going to let me in there or not?"

The doctor nodded, and Robbie started back down the hallway.

"Go home, Gurdip," he called. "I'm staying."

***

True to his word, Robbie was there when James woke again.

"Mm," James murmured.  "Hello."

Robbie counted to ten mentally so his voice would be steady.  "Morning."

"Is it?"  James's voice was less drugged-sounding but still very tired.  "Lost track."

"It doesn't matter anyway," Robbie said.

James frowned at Robbie abstractedly, apparently attempting to remember something.  "You were..."  He nodded slightly.  "Manchester."

"I was," Robbie said.  "Lyn and Tim and the kids send their love."

"No, but..."  It was taking James longer to formulate his thoughts, but Robbie was relieved to see that even with the delay, James didn't miss much.  "You didn't...leave your family?  For this?"

 _I would have if they'd told me.  I would've been here the first day.  Yes, I would've been afraid for you, but I would've managed.  I'm not a child.  I don't need to be protected.  When someone I love is dying, I want to bloody well know about it._   But none of that was James's fault, and even as emotionally compromised as he was, Robbie knew that.

"I'm with my family now," Robbie said.

He could almost see the wheels turning in James's brain, could almost read the progression of James's thoughts from his facial expression, which, in his weary, medicated state, reflected almost everything he was thinking.  First, James frowned, glancing about the room--looking for Robbie's daughter and grandchildren, probably.  When he saw no one else was there, only then did James understand, eyes widening, face suffused with vulnerable hope.

"You mean me," James whispered, voice almost unbelieving.

Robbie nodded.

Without any warning, James's eyes puddled up and then spilled over with tears.  "Really?"

Robbie nodded, reaching out and carefully touching James's arm.  He would've liked to explain...would've liked to say in great detail just exactly what James meant to him...but he could never say the really important things somehow.  Val used to tease him about that.

"Sorry," James whispered.  "Only...you have...lots of family...and I..."

Robbie felt a pang of sympathy at the thought of James being all alone...and worse, feeling his loneliness so keenly.  "You have me now."

James's eyes were still teary, but his expression was fond.  "Thank you."

Robbie nodded.

James laughed softly.  "Growing a beard."

"Hm?"  Robbie touched his own cheek.  "Oh."

"Rugged," James said with a gleam in his eye.

Robbie laughed.  "Dunno about that.  Messy, more like."

But it was a mistake to say that, because then James looked, really looked, at Robbie...at his rumpled clothes, at his grooming and hygiene (or lack thereof).  Robbie waited for some quip about his appearance, or maybe some sort of order to go home and shower and sleep.  He received neither.

"I'm all right," James said.

Trust James to know what was at the heart of it all.  Robbie nodded, not meeting his eyes.

"Robbie," James said firmly.  "Look."

Robbie looked at him.

"I'm all right," James repeated.

"Yeah," Robbie said, voice husky.  He didn't want to cry again, he really didn't, but it was so difficult to keep control of himself.  "Sorry."

"You're tired," James said.  "Me too."

Robbie nodded.  "A bit."

"Sleep."

"You might need me," Robbie said.

"Here."  James slid his hand across the bedclothes toward Robbie.  "Take it."

"I won't hurt you?"  Robbie asked hesitantly.

"Wasn't shot in the hand."

Robbie reached out and took James's hand.

"Now you'll know...if I need you," James said.  "You can sleep."

Robbie folded James's hand between both of his.  "If it wouldn't hurt you, I'd crawl up there with you."

James smiled.  "Maybe another day."

"I'll hold you to that," Robbie said.

"Good."  James yawned.  "Rest now."

Robbie fell asleep leaning forward in his chair, head on James's bed, James's hand pressed tight in his hands.

***

Someone was stroking Robbie's hair, and it was nice.  Robbie mumbled something that sounded vaguely like "Lovely" and took a long, deep breath.

"Congratulations.  You slept longer than I did."  The voice sounded amused.

 _James._   Robbie's eyes snapped open, and he blinked, trying to orient himself.  Leaning forward?  Bed?  Room?  Hospital.

James rumpled his hair again.  "You must've been tired."

"Hadn't slept since I got here."  His voice is low and hoarse...sounds as though he's been living on whiskey and cigarettes.

James's hand stills on his hair for a moment, then carries on moving.  "I'm sorry you were so worried...but selfishly, I'm happy to see you."

"You sound a bit more awake," Robbie said.

"They've dialled down my medication," James said.  "I asked them to.  I like to be able to think."

"Does it hurt?"  Robbie asked.

"It was going to hurt anyway," James said, which meant that yes, it did hurt, and that this was all the answer Robbie was going to get.  "Is your back bothering you?  Is that why you're not sitting up?"

"No," Robbie said.  His back didn't feel wonderful, but he could manage.

"I don't understand."

"You can't reach my head if I sit up," Robbie said.

"Of course I can.  You're short," James said lightly.

"Oi!"  That got Robbie's head off the bed fast enough, and no, his back wasn't going to thank him for that sleep cycle spent hunched over.  He stretched, trying to work out the stiffness, and then he looked at James.

That dreamy, sedated look in James's eyes was gone, replaced by his usual clarity and incisiveness, though Robbie also thought he could see an undercurrent of pain there.

Robbie said the first thing that came into his head.  "You need to update your medical records.  Morphine makes your blood pressure drop."

James gave him a startled look.  "Does it?"

Robbie nodded.

James nodded as well.  "I hope you haven't been..."

"James.  Under no circumstances are you to apologise to me for being shot.  You're not to apologise because I was worried or inconvenienced or for any other reason.  You were seriously hurt, and I'm here because I want to be.  Understand?"

James smiled slightly but nodded.  "Yes."

"Good."

James paused. "So, morphine. Did I lose consciousness?"

"You…beeped." Robbie gestured to the collection of medical equipment surrounding James's hospital bed. _I thought I was losing you._

James nodded. "How long have you been here?"

Robbie tried to work it out. "A few days maybe? Not sure."

"Days?" James looked slightly alarmed.

"You almost died." The words slipped out before Robbie could stop them.

James shuddered, matching Robbie's unguarded moment with one of his own. "No wonder it hurts."

"Do you need me to call someone?" Robbie asked anxiously.

James shook his head. "I'm all right. Just…if you could stay."

Robbie nodded. "Didn't plan on doing anything else."

James reached over carefully and touched Robbie's arm. "You're my…my family…too." He was clearly trying out the word for himself, and he seemed to like the way it sounded.

Robbie gave James an affectionate smile. "I'm glad of that."

James nodded. "So am I." He smiled slightly. "So? Come on, Granddad. Tell me about the kiddies."

Robbie never had to be asked twice to talk up his grandchildren. He began an animated story about Daisy's first words, and James smiled and interjected with questions at the appropriate moments.

Robbie stopped mid-sentence, suddenly struck by a thought. This…what he and James were doing today…this wasn't different. This was much as they always were. He wondered how long he and James had treated each other like more than partners…more than friends…and how long it would've taken him to notice if this hadn't happened. Maybe he would never have noticed, but that thought was unbearable now.

"Go on," James urged him. "What did Lyn say?"

Robbie smiled at James, took a breath, and told the rest of the story.


End file.
